Leaders of the poor in once city have taken a new approach to their situation in a complete reversal of policies. Leaders do not wish to publicly state their city in fear of political and online outcry.
“Sometimes its just your own damn fault” said spokesperson for impoverished people of city which seeks anonymity, “We fucked up. Its our fault we suck and I see no greater forces at play that have resulted in such a terrible situation for us.” Praise from the Republican party is already amidst with Majority Leader Mitch McConnell writing “Finally they have take n our advice and see their situation as we do. Good luck to them and if they need help look no further than your bootstraps.”
Earlier this morning, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell shocked America at a press conference stating “I have been lying to the public my entire life. I really have no issue with gay people. I don’t see the big deal. Sometimes I am a little jealous of how happy a life they seem to lead.” This soft talk on homosexuality completely debases his stance of the last 40 years, and in doing so questions how long he has kept this kind empathetic opinion pent up inside him.
McConell, backed his stance up slightly at the end clarifying his point, “I want to state I am not gay, have no interest in partaking in fruitcake perry-winkling. I don’t like gay porn, I don’t want to see it but the mere fact that people are gay I couldn’t really give less of a shit about.”