Ghost of Christmas future meets with Paul Ryan


Washington DC
Speaker of the House of Representative and grunting planet fitness member Paul Ryan has been seen by the Ghost of Christmas Future on the evening of October 28th. The hooded specter, most commonly known for informing individuals of shitty futures awaiting them if they were not to change their ways, reportedly met with Representative Ryan in his chambers while he took a brief nap to refresh himself for the upcoming push for President Donald Trump’s new tax policy. “Mr. Christmas Future and I had a very productive dialogue’, reported Ryan, ‘and I think I think that we both came away with a solid dialogue and a commitment to working together”

‘Oh, Ryan? Holy shit that guy suuuuuuuucks’, the Ghost of Christmas future said at the time of our interview. “All I wanted him to do is consider that his total lack of a spine on this tax thing was a bad thing for poor people and he kept agreeing with me but then he, like, slapped a little one-legged orphan child and spit on it. What a goddamn maniac.”

As of press time, Representative Ryan has continued to insist that the new tax cuts will be a positive move and that orphans sometimes just need a little slap and shine.

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